Lucky for me, when these questions began swarming in my head, a good girlfriend of mine, who has lived in Italy for a number of years, was in town to visit her family. So, instead of digging through piles of statistics and wracking my brain to get the information so interesting for me, I contacted her and loaded her brain with all the questions.
Before I move on, let me make myself clear: by no means does this article include motives and wants of every Russian bride, who submits her profile to a marriage agency. And I will be the first to encourage the foreigners: try be be as cautious as possible if you decided to apply to a marriage agency. In the past, some Russian ladies from the FSU countries have provided more than enough negative publicity (read my article on scams in Lugansk city, Ukraine), but don’t let that discourage you and miss out on a chance to gift someone the pleasure of communication and a possibility to find love. With that in mind, I proceed…
When I began questioning the motives of Russian women who take a chance on marriage agencies, my first discovery was quite disturbing. One of the main explanations for the FSU women to like foreigners is that men from their native countries… aren’t good enough. There are a lot of bad stories about the life of Russian girls in foreign countries. Why not admit that the reason is in those men at home, who, in my opinion, don’t know what a family is?” – said Natasha commenting on the article in one of the leading Russian papers, which blamed marriages to the foreigners. “Unfortunately, there are a lot of things the ‘Russian’ men would have to do to keep up with the foreigners.” Some bridal agencies will give you the same information. An American journalist, who took a “Romance tour to find a Russian bride” trip to Ukraine as a part of his investigation for a story, says in his on-line journal that the instructor on the tour explained to him: Ukrainian and Russian men “drink, philander, alternately beat and neglect women.”
Obviously, not every FSU man treats women this way. Nevertheless, a general conception that most Russian brides/Ukrainian women share of the men in their home countries comes down to a few common words: irresponsible, hard-hearted, too demanding and not willing to provide for their children, let alone their mother. Throughout history Russian women have been famous for the way they treated their family. They are loving, devoted and caring, and, coming to a marriage agency they dream to find someone like themselves to create a strong happy family.
The other thing noticed by Natasha during her three-year-long marriage to a foreigner: To tell you the truth, marrying him I didn’t think about living in Italy… But for Italians the family is very-very important and they put a great emphasis on the family values. That meant a lot to me. Foreigners in general seem to be more serious about family and children, unlike the men at home.”
In line with a lack of quality of the FSU men, there is also a lack of quantity. The year 2002 gave us a discouraging statistics showing the ratio men-women 46, nothing has much changed since then. Given that a large part of these 46% are people who can’t be counted on for love, care and support, it leaves the ladies of Russia and Ukraine very little to chose from. Obviously, when something you need is not in sight, you look to broader horizons.
“All the good ones have been snatched away long ago, your chances to find someone in this country after you turn 25 are next to nil,” Natasha mused over a cup of coffee (she married her Italian sweetheart at the age of 29). “It seems the guys (in Ukraine) disappear when they turn 30.”
On the top of all said, the appreciation of their own femininity sets the FSU women apart from American or European ladies. A lot of men can see that the FSU women are different. And this is not only about their outer beauty that is so well-known. These ladies like to look pretty, it is not unusual for them to wear a dress and pumps on a regular basis, they care about their body and like to be attractive. Bottom line, they want to be feminine, not feminist.
The FSU women cherish being a “weak gender”, which for them means taking care of their family in the first place, as well as being cared for and appreciated. Promises of that seem to be given in abundance by Americans and Europeans, many of whom share an opinion that it has been too long since Western women have shown any aspiration to cherish the softer side of the “weaker gender”. The men abroad consider the tender feminine side of Russian women a great advantage comparing to Western women mad about careers and getting equal with men. Even some FSU men notice that the foreigners are attracted by “their” women because they “remain women, not some emancipated feminists, like in the West”.
Natasha dreamily remembers her very first visitings Italy: “When I was in Italy I was treated like a princess surrounded with attention, that I missed so much from our men. I think there is so much beauty (in Russia), that our men are simply used to it, it is mundane to them, they forget about simple compliments… Italians value beauty.”
After all this, what can I say to the men in search of their destiny? It all comes down to what you are looking for. No doubt, there will be some money-hungry vamps, eager to trap you. If you want to find a woman for one night it is not a problem neither in Ukraine or Russia nor anywhere else in the world. But if you are looking for a woman who will respect you, relish her family and be as smart as she is pretty, the chances of you finding that in Ukraine or Russia are greater than at any other place.